I hope all is well with all of you. I realize this post is coming out of the blue. Maybe I’ll start writing on here again. Maybe not. I’m not sure. But tonight I felt called to share a poem I wrote recently about my newest daughter Miriam. Enjoy friends:
I lay in bed the day after my daughter’s birth
And gaze at her face totally overwhelmed.
No matter how long I look I cannot satisfy my desire.
I can’t look enough.
The preciousness of this moment and her beauty
Are more than I can ever hope to absorb.
I take pictures of her
But the pictures look nothing like what I see.
I see an angel with one foot still in Heaven.
Her face contains a purity and beauty
that can only come from God.
No words can describe,
no picture capture,
and no heart contain the precious beauty I see in her.
An angelic spirit that has come to me
in the tiniest of packages.
In her face I see the face of God
And my soul swells and explodes in unspeakable love.
So I sit there trying to take it in with my eyes
But my heart cannot contain her beauty
any better than my camera.
I am overwhelmed with love
And a desire to stay in this moment forever
just adoring her.
In this ecstasy my joy and love are penetrated at their depths
by profound sadness and fear.
I know that this moment cannot last forever.
In fact it is running away from me
Fleeing before my very eyes.
I know that in an instant the sleeping infant beauty I hold in my arms will be talking to me like her older brother.
Then a few moments later she will be picking her own outfits and dressing herself like her big sister.
And in just another minute she’ll be ready for kindergarten like her oldest brother.
I have been here before
Holding angels of unspeakable beauty
And each of those moments runs away from me just as this one is.
Then I remember the look in my mother’s eyes as she sat next to me last night
Watching as her baby held her newest grandbaby.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that she sat where I was
Holding her own angel?
Will I be where she is tomorrow
With my life half over and my children no longer angels
But adults holding angels of their own?
I feel an overwhelming sadness well up within me
Mingled with a slight sense of panic.
My life is speeding by
filled with moments of intense beauty such as this
That I can never enjoy or experience enough.
And then it hits me
It is not just this moment that is precious and sacred.
It is every moment.
Every waking moment of my blessed life
The good, the bad, the sad, the dirty, the joyful, the angry, the painful.
God has infused beauty and blessing
Into every instant of my life
The same as this one.
And every instant of my life is fleeing before my eyes.
Before I know it,
I will be experiencing my last moments
wishing I had enjoyed and experienced my life even more than I did.
But I know full well it can never be enough.
That is why it is so precious.
The fear and sadness of this thought
Is barely outweighed by the joy and love of this moment
Holding my new daughter in my arms.
Filled with joy and sadness
Love and fear
I have only one choice.
These moments will continue to fly by
And the only appropriate response is gratitude.
I repeat in my soul the same prayer of gratitude that I have offered so many times already in these past 24 hours.
Thank you God.
Thank you for all of this.
Thank you for every single moment of my life
Including and especially this one.
Then I think to myself
‘Do not forget this as you go home
and continue to live out each good, bad, sad, dirty, joyful, angry, painful moment
how precious each one is.’
I feel the desperation of a woman who has realized, yet again, that she is mortal
and this blessed life will one day end.
I plead with myself to experience and enjoy – every – single – moment
With utmost gratitude.